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Shame!
"In a world where you can be anything, be yourself."
Easier said than done, in a world where we are criticised for being ourselves, ridiculed and dismissed its very hard to be yourself, it's so much easier to follow the pack and be accepted!
What is shame? I believe it is not something we are born with but something programmed into us from an early age. As a baby, our natural instincts are to walk around nude, dance, sing and be ourselves it's only as we grow this seems to be knocked out of us by society.
Shame comes in many disguises, not feeling pretty enough, tall enough from the right side of the tracks, hanging with the in-crowd at school, its everywhere we look It feels like we cannot escape it, so why try?
I will tell you why. As soon as you decide, you are going to be yourself no matter what newfound freedom comes into play. You decide to play by your own rules, and it is not necessary to always fit in" why fit in when you were born to stand out".This creates a place for you to grow, and to understand yourself, to get to know the real you, isn't that why we are here to get to know ourselves? How is that ever going to happen if we keep dancing to the beat of someone else's drum? So how can we expect other people to love and cherish us if we cannot do these simple things for ourselves?
Shame keeps us from becoming real; it keeps us buried in fear as it is managed by the ego. The ego doesn't want you to become yourself or love yourself because then the grip is loosened you start to take charge, that is very scary for the ego as it feels that it will lose its job, the job of keeping you in the shame trap. I am not good enough, who wants to hear what I have to say, I am stupid, keep following the crowd, do what they do, and maybe no one will notice, sound familiar? Of course, this is what leads us into deeper shame, regret, depression, all kinds of psychological disorders and to think by just being yourself, being honest and true to who you truly are is all it takes to get out of the shame trap. I ask you, can you really afford not to do it.
I am not saying for a minute that this will be easy, but I ask you have any of your transformations to a higher frequency of evolution been easy? If so, please email me….
The truth is we have to continuously stay on track, master our thoughts, surround ourselves with like-minded people and hold ourselves accountable, sound easy eh! No, but by god its worth it,
How do you start? Make a list of all the things you think you feel shame around, now don't go leaving out the scariest ones remember honesty is our best policy. Now I want you to get a large bucket of water and drown all of your shame attacks.
Free yourself from the voices in your head now go and have a lovely long bath or shower and wash all the negativity from your mind, body and soul.
Next, whenever you feel a shame attack coming on, don't run away from it allow yourself to feel every morsel of it and by doing this, it will pass right through you, and thus the grip weakens. Watch everything about it as it passes through you. I always imagine it with big eyes, and I look right into them and say move over dude, I'm in charge now, me the master of my own destiny.
Now you have stepped into the arena, so how do you win the fight? You win the battle by continually challenging negative thinking about yourself, you stop judging and condemning everyone else, you live and let live, you commit to writing a journal every day of what you are grateful for. You show up for yourself, with compassion and love because the reality is some days are going to be better than others, and that's ok. Remember life is cyclical we have to endure the bad sometimes to enjoy the good, just as sure as day turns to night happiness can turn to sadness. Accept your moods they are there for a reason, they show us how we are feeling and what we need to do, they are always telling us something so listen carefully and adhere to their advice, they are like an inner beacon showing you the way, no need to be fearful resistance here is futile.
Shame resilience, another tool to help you overcome shame attacks.
Be your own biggest supporter, always look at how far you have come rather than how far you have to go, just keep putting one step in front of the other, and the stairs will appear, I promise.If you make a mistake, talk it through with a trusted friend, ruminate for a day, (I always give myself a day) forgive yourself and move on. We are the only animals on the planet that insists on punishing ourselves over and over for the same crime, let it go. I love the visual of the 2 swans attacking each other, getting rid off all their negative energy and then gliding away like it never happened… so powerful. So say and do what needs to be done and glide away having learnt from your mistake, remember its only a mistake if you repeat it….
Last but not least, reward yourself when you have worked hard, acknowledge your accomplishments, pat yourself on the back. Take yourself on a date of your choosing something indulgent, remember you have earned it, maybe visit an art gallery, go to a beautiful restaurant you have always dreamt about, walk barefoot in the park and bring a picnic, let your soul dance with joy, go on you know you want too.
Remember this if nothing else.
"Of all the people in the world, we deserve our own love the most".
by Adrianna Mannix
References:
Cognitive Defusion to exercises: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CpdVMs818AE
